Chapter Three: Masturbation Alone

Wouldn’t it be awkward if the one time Duolingo gives you a really hard lesson there was someone next to you jerking off?  Would probably be distracting.  Especially since it was, I mean, could be too close to midnight - sometimes I look at the clock and it’s 11:11, and I think to myself “shit I gotta do my Duolingo before midnight.

Im sure there are so many questions!  Why? Did you finish early?  Who were you with?  What language were you Practicing on Duolingo?

If that was something I were to do, there would only be one reason: jacking off is not something I feel doing with other people. I tried.  I got naked too.  I go bored.  I did Duolingo.

I don’t know.  I guess for me it’s something I wanna do all by myself.  I can only focus on one thing at a time.  And well my own fucking cock is all I’m going to focus on.  It’s each man for himself at this point.  

Trying to come over and jerk off with me is almost the same as, wanna come over and I’ll give you a hand job.  If I can do it myself, just let me do it alone.  By my fucking self!

Chapter Two: Straight or Str8?

Why do I always attract the straight guys.  I mean don’t get me wrong:  I think it’s hot - and the sex is gr8.  So are they “straight” or “str8”?  It seems that outside the bedroom they try so hard to mask their “bisexuality”.   

On the outside, they are dressed as “straight” as possible, while on the inside they begging and screaming for cock.

As mentioned earlier, the sex is great or “gr8”.  Like them “straight” dudes love that dick in them. And they go on and on and on.  I feel like I’m fucking the energizer bunny.  God, okoy, gonna have to for one more round, then imma fake it.

The thing that sucks about these “str8” dudes: I can’t always have them when I want them.  They have girlfriends, so they only have limited availability.  Or they are so far in the closet, they can’t escape their straight close circle of friends, to meet me, who could just be another friend chill bro.

In a way, I do feel used and abused.  I’m their experiment fuck.  Obviously they want something their girlfriend or “straight”-“heteronormal” community can’t give them.  But maybe my being used is my fetish.  Then it’s not so bad.  We both get off and get what we need.

Afterthought:

This is not the lifestyle I’m long to keep.  I’m single.  I have fun.  I enjoy life.  But deep down I want to connect to the special someone.  

Chapter One “Meditation Vs. Masturbation”

I always plan to meditate before I go to sleep.  So I light a candle and gaze at my betta, Ares, and then I want to masturbate.  No, not because of the fish. After a day, I get horny.  It’s that instant gratification I can’t hold in. God dammit I’m horny and I can not meditate until this is taken care of.  So of course pleasure myself til I cum, and proceed to succumb to that catholic school boy guilt: “I’m going to go to hell for aborting all my unborn children!”. 

 
Then I start thinking too much about life and how shitty things are.  Now I can’t sleep nor meditate.  So I go through my nightly ritual.  Get caught up on all my social media. Watch a few TikToks.  Maybe make one.  Then gotta post that to all my social media sites. Fuck! It’s 4a.m.  I go to sleep finally.  I’ve come to the conclusion: for me, masturbation IS meditation. 

Afterthought:

It was kind of annoying that every time I wanted to type masturbate or any derivative of that word, my iPhones magical autocorrect power wouldn’t help me spell it, or give me options like other words did.

"Deep Within"

Ok I am gonna share a song I wrote - in fact my first song I ever wrote!

DEEP WITHIN

Spoken Intro:
I see a world of magic
So deep within my mind
Where images run wild
This world I leave behind

I'm standing in a garden
A place so far away
I'm searching for your presence
Come to the light I pray

I see you through the mist
An Angel dressed in white
Your gaze is so enchanting
So real, so pure, so bright

We're flying towards each other
Our spirits intertwine
I feel your presence in me
As our unconsciouses combine

Bathing in the see of love
Our hearts as pure as gold
I'll keep you in my arms
Forever I'll thee hold

Spoken Interlude:
Je vois un monde de magique [I see a world of magic]
Où personne n'a jamais peur [where no one has fear]
Un monde qui manque le douleur [A world that lacks all pain]
On n'veux jamais être ailleurs [One wouldn't want to be elsewhere]

C'est un monde loin d'ici [It's a world far from here]
Comme un jardin enchanté [Like an enchanted garden]
C'est là où je t'attends [It's there, where I await you]
Et vivrons pour l'éternité [And we will live forever]

This is my place so deep within
This place so clean and pure
This place that lacks all evil
And pain no one endures

We're standing in our garden
A place so far away
I'm grasping for your presence
Don't fade away I pray

Spoken Outro:
J'attends ta voix [I await your voice]
j'attends tes bras [I await your arms]
Et vivrons pour l'éternité [And we will live forever]